Out of the Rain
by iamfaraway
Summary: She stormed out of the rain, a crazy grin on her face, looking as though she'd just made love to a rabid raccoon. A series of insane oneshots for DNAngel. Enter if you dare.
1. OH EM GEE

Title: Out of the Rain  
Author: El  
Summary: A series of oneshots for the DNAngel fandom. Genre depends on how I'm feeling. R&R!  
Genre: General  
Rating: PG –13 for safety  
Disclaimer: The following words are not to be taken completely seriously: I OWN DNANGEL.  
Warnings: May be some angst later, not all of these will be humor, I think.  
Author's Note: This is not AU, and it may be a continuing thing, but with random scenes that occur for no reason. XD Most of these will start with either a) random story starters or b) vocabulary words from my English class. Enjoy!

One: Oh-Em-Gee

She stormed out of the rain, a crazy grin on her face, looking as though she'd just made love to a rabid raccoon.

"I got it!" she shrieked happily. "Oh-em-gee I got it!"

"'Oh-em-gee'?" asked her twin sister, Riku. "Risa what are you talking about? And why are you dripping wet?"

But Risa did not care about her older sister's questions. She was too busy praising herself on her success, jumping up and down in excitement.

"Risa!" yelled Riku in an attempt to get her attention. "RISA!"

"Yes, Riku?" She swirled around to face her, still grinning like a demented frog that had just had a passionate interaction with a striped creature.

Riku twitched. Risa had not even noticed that she had been calling her name for the last ten minutes! How irritating.

"What did you get?" asked the older twin, sighing.

Risa giggled hysterically and waved a red and pink striped pair of shorts in the air. "I got Dark's boxers!"

End.

Author's Note: XD I'd like to thank Mari for the opening line. She gave it to me when I had writer's block to give me a starter, and a month later I have a fic with it in it. XD


	2. Higher Form of Life

Disclaimer: I do not own The Coat of Many Colors or DNAngel. I made that apparent in the first chapter.

Two: Higher Form of Life

Daisuke watched as Dark struggled to pull the black shirt over his head.

"Damn head!" the thief cursed. "It's too – "

'Big?' finished Daisuke.

"Ye- NO!"

The red head chuckled as the black material was pulled over Dark's eyes, also blocking out the light from his own. Dark glared at the wall, which represented his tamer since the boy could not stand in front of him.

Daisuke shook his head and asked, 'What are we stealing tonight?'

Dark paused in pulling on his pants – not one leg at a time, but both simultaneously. For you see, Dark is not normal like the rest of us. He is a higher form of life called "kleptomaniac." Now that we are done inflating the phantom thief's ego all the more, let us return to the story.

"Dunno," he answered. Daisuke sighed, wondering how great of a phantom thief this guy could be if he could not even remember what he said he would steal. Dark ignored the red head's thoughts and walked down the stairs, having successfully dressed himself.

"Emiko," he called, "what am I stealing tonight?"

Emiko smiled. "You look so cute!"

Dark sweat-dropped. "Um... yeah. What am I stealing?"

"The Coat of Many Colors," she said, still staring at his hotness – er – outfit that she handcrafted herself.

"That's a weird name," he mused.

"The Hikari never really think of good names," Daiki pointed out. Dark shrugged and walked out to the front step before taking flight.

Daisuke watched from inside of Dark's mind. Another museum, another heist, another day.

But after ten minutes, Daisuke was getting anxious. Why had they not gotten to the museum yet? He could hear Dark cursing.

'What's wrong?'

Dark cursed again. "I forgot my goddamn address book!"

End.

Author's Note: XD Another thanks to Mari for the idea. Oh yeah, real good phantom thief – needing an address book! XD Read and review!

Response to Reviews:

**Saerwen:** Don't worry I'm sure Dark would not mind if you took his boxers. XD

**Timetill:** Raccoons, yes. XD Thanks Saerwen for that one. How she got a hold of them? Not telling.


	3. Naughty Machinery

**Genre:** Humor  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own DNAngel… Gee, I wonder how many times I'll have to repeat that in my lifetime?

**Three:** Naughty Machinery

Giggle.

Kosuke Niwa groaned and rolled over.

Click, click, tap, tap. Giggle.

What is that? He stood up and trudged toward the strange sounds.

Click, tap, click. Snort.

It was coming from Daisuke's room… He was immediately alert. What was going on? He crept forward to his son's room.

"Ooh…" A grunt and a giggle again. There was obviously something terrible going on.

Kosuke burst in, swinging a broken chair leg. "STOP!"

Dark blinked from his position on Daisuke's desk chair.

Kosuke blinked. "What?"

"Oh, hey," said the Phantom Thief, amused. "Haha, come look at this!" He pointed at the computer screen. Kosuke stepped forward, bemused. What was Dark doing up so late? And where was Daisuke?

"What is it?" asked the Niwa.

Dark snickered and typed something in, then pressed enter.

In a monotone, the computer said something very dirty.

And Dark laughed hysterically. "THE COMPUTER SAYS DIRTY THINGS!"

End.

**Author's Note:** Perhaps some of you might need an explanation… See, there's a program of some sort on some computers that one can type words into, and then the computer says it. On my computer, I look down at the bottom right corner where the time is displayed. There is an icon called "speech tools" and when I go to that, a screen pops up. I flip to "test to speech", type in something for the computer to say over "preview voice" and then –tada! – the computer speaks! That's how it works on my computer, so if you want to try it on yours, be my guest. I hope that explained everything. Have fun! XD


	4. Love Letter

**Genre:** Humor  
**Disclaimer:** Well…. I own that picture I drew. o.O  
**Warning:** Mentioned shonen ai. Don't flame. It's pointless, for you and me.

**Four:** Love Letter

Niwa looked very nervous. He kept glancing back at Satoshi, and every instance they had made eye contact, the red head had quickly looked away.

'_Maybe he's going to confess his undying love to you, Master Satoshi_,' mused Krad sadistically.

'_Don't taunt me_,' muttered Satoshi. Krad laughed cruelly.

Suddenly a folded piece of paper landed on Satoshi's desk. It came from Niwa's direction.

'_Ooh… maybe it's a _love_ letter_,' teased Krad.

Satoshi ignored him and picked it up. On the front it said:

_To: Hiwatari-kun_

_From: Daisuke_

Satoshi raised his eyebrow slightly and glanced up at the lecturing teacher. She never asked for his answers anyway, so of course she would never look over.

Ignoring Krad's taunts, he unfolded the first crease.

_I need to ask you something… it's very important…_

'_A love note, if I ever saw one_,' said Krad. Satoshi rolled his eyes.

'_You've never seen one_,' Satoshi pointed out. Krad did not know whether to be insulted because Satoshi thought he had never gotten a date – which he had not but he was not about to admit that – or because said person had questioned his logic.

Since it was taking Krad a while to reply, Satoshi opened another fold.

_I've wanted to ask you this for a long time… _: ( _But I'm afraid you'll break my heart._ 3

Krad tried to say "this is stupid" but he could not come up with a phrase that would address the utter idiocy he believed the letter to be containing adequately.

Satoshi unfolded it again.

_I've finally worked up the courage to ask you… so here it goes…_

One more flap and it would be over… Satoshi felt tense, as if his whole life and happiness was riding on what Niwa was going to say. Slowly… he opened the last fold of the letter…

_Do you have food? I was an idiot and I forgot my lunch._

Satoshi felt his heart break, but that maybe have only been because Krad was laughing so hard over the image of Niwa tearing his heart in two.

End.

**Author's Note:** Poor Hiwatari… XD –huggles him- Someone loves you.

Also, I'm open to requests. You can request a pairing, or an idea, or whatever.


	5. A Culinary Mastermind

**Genre:** Humor  
**Disclaimer:** The very nature of this site should explain something about this FANfiction. Need I say anymore?

**Five:** A Culinary Mastermind

Daisuke Niwa sighed and laid his head down on his desk. He had forgotten about the homework over the weekend for Home Ec. class – creating a unique dish for the class – and so he had to wait until everyone else had finished gathering ingredients before he could scrounge around for something to make.

'_That's so unfair…'_ complained Daisuke.

'_It's your own fault for forgetting,'_ Dark pointed out. Daisuke growled under his breath. The reason he had forgotten was because they had heists all weekend, so he never had time to even _think_ about, and it was therefore _Dark's_ fault. Dark made a huffing noise, but chose not to say anything.

"All right Niwa, go ahead," yelled the teacher. He was always yelling, even when he was right next to the person to whom he was speaking.

Daisuke hurried to the cupboards in the classroom and searched frantically for something to make. What he came across… was not pleasant.

'_Ooh… hey, Dai, I have an idea._'

_Oh no… This CANNOT be good._

**weeeeescenechange!fun!**

"All right! Everyone line up with your dishes!" screamed Mr. Home-ec-buff-guy-teacher. "I will evaluate each of you!"

The class rushed to get in line with their platters. He went along the line, inspecting the food depending on its presentation and taste. When he approached Risa's… um… concoction… he looked it over, marked something on his clipboard and moved on down the line.

"Saehara, what is this?" he asked when he reached Takeshi.

"It's Lobster Thermidor," answered Takeshi proudly.

The teacher scrutinized it carefully, then straightened. "This is not original! Didn't I say that was the assignment – that you were supposed to make something new? C-!"

"WHAT? I'M THE BEST COOK IN THIS CLASS! YOU CAN'T GIVE ME A C! THAT'S UNFAIR! I–"

The teacher ignored him. "Next!" He stood before the next person with a smirk. "Well ,well, well, Niwa. What do _you_ have? Or did you think you were too good to do the assignment, as you thought over the weekend?"

Dark cursed and the red head flinched. The Phantom Thief had a very colorful vocabulary.

The teacher examined Daisuke's plate. "What is this?"

Daisuke swallowed hard. "Um… eggplant."

"What's this stuff inside?"

"Um… hard boiled eggs… smashed up… and… um… maple syrup," answered Daisuke, turning redder with every word.

'_And cucumbers_,' added Dark.

"And cucumbers."

Mr. Home-Ec pointed at part of the split and hollowed eggplant. "But that's… a pickle?"

Daisuke's face brightened for a second. "Yeah! If you get it in your slice, you'll have good luck!" His face fell again when the class laughed. The teacher frowned and cut a piece of the eggplant… thing. He chewed for a while and the class waited with bated breath.

"Why… this is…" His eyes widened, and for a moment Daisuke thought he had poisoned the teacher. _Well it serves him right, leaving me with a disadvantage… _

"THIS IS A CULINARY MASTERPIECE!" screeched the teacher, louder than usual. The entirety of the class jumped, surprised, but none more than Saehara.

"UWAAHH?"

"You… you are the best cook in this class," Mr. Home-Ec said to the embarrassed red head.

"WHAT!"

He ignored Takeshi. "You all could learn something from Niwa here!" He clapped Daisuke on the shoulder. Daisuke prayed that he could sink into the ground, and Dark suggested that they transform. This was met with the usual outburst of "NO!" Luckily for Daisuke, the bell rang and he bolted toward the door.

'_I can't believe that recipe actually worked…_' he said to Dark as he ran down the hall.

'_They don't call me a Phantom Thief for nothing!_' boasted Dark.

'…_I'll pretend that made sense. But really… how did you know that it would taste good?_'

Dark shrugged. '_It sounded all right to me._'

END.

**Author's Note:** Um… yeah. –blink– XDD Dark is not a good cook himself, but he can be good at making up things to cook! Read and review! And request!

**Response to Reviews:  
****Timetill: **Thanks for the review, and I think Daisuke would be stupid enough to do that too. xD I love him, but I also love bashing him, so don't get me wrong.  
**Saerwen:** Sounds like me? How so?  
**Sakurasango:** No problem! I like requests like that… not too common. XD


	6. Velvet

**Genre:** Angst... ish.  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own DNAngel, and I actually don't own any velvet either.  
**Warnings:** Shounen-ai. Don't like, don't read. SatoshiDaisuke.

**Six:** Velvet

Daisuke sighs. Somehow the girls in his class have discovered that his hair is soft. So, naturally, they all want to touch it.

'_It's hard for me to believe that you don't like this attention,_' teased Dark.

Daisuke: -headdesk-

The girls giggle and continue their feeling of his hair. "It's so soft!" they had all squealed. "Like a bunny!" This is great; one minute he has puppy-dog eyes, and the next thing he knows his hair is like rabbit fur.

'_You must be some kind of a half-breed,_' muses Dark. '_Like a –'_

'_Don't even think of a name for it_,' Daisuke interrupts. He does not want Dark calling him something like "rappit" or "buppy" or some other strange mixture of rabbit, puppy, and bunny.

His head is suddenly jerked up into someone's arms.

"Ooh!" screeches Risa, squeezing his head. "I just want to make a fur coat out of it! Your hair is _so_ soft!" Daisuke sweat-drops.

"Hiwatari!" She drops Niwa's head back on the table.

"Ow!"

She ignores him. "Hiwatari!" she rushes over to the bluenette. "Niwa's hair is so soft! Come feel it!" Satoshi Hiwatari stares at her impassively and she grasps his arm, yanking the poor commander to the poor rappit – I mean – redhead. The girls giggle again, continuing to stroke Daisuke's head.

Daisuke made a face. "Will you all please quit touching my head!" They all let out one last wave of giggles and scurry away. Daisuke sighs again, allowing his head to fall upon the table once more. He is so tired... Dark had gone on another heist the previous night, and he did not get much sleep because of it. He lets his eyes close, relaxing, but he stiffens when he feels a hand on his head, stroking his supposedly soft hair.

He opens his eyes and looks up without lifting his head, surprised. "Hi-Hiwatari-kun!" he gasps.

Satoshi gazes at Daisuke's hair as he touches it, but he does not say anything for a few moments. Then: "They're right. It is soft."

Daisuke blushes crimson. "Um... I..."

Satoshi slowly draws his hand away. "Sorry. You said not to."

"Ah... no! It's okay," says the red-faced boy. "I just didn't like when they all had their hands on my head. I was afraid they'd tear my head off or something."

Satoshi tries to ignore the mental image Krad has sent him. He continues to stroke the red mass of hair. It _is_ very soft, though sticking up all over the boy's head. It is like rabbit's fur, velvety and smooth, something anyone would want to pet. Satoshi attempts to smother his desire. Krad has been restless all day. This is no time to get excited.

Daisuke responds to the touch, closing his eyes and relaxing. It actually felt nice when they were all stroking his hair; it was just uncomfortable with all of them fighting to feel it. Now that there was only one person, it feels soothing. He feels like he could fall asleep right here...

Satoshi watches him, looking so peaceful. Why can't his hair be soft like this? It was always so stiff. Not soft, not exactly rough either, just... not smooth.

But everything about the Niwa is soft, smooth. Satoshi guesses it is genetic, that maybe their two families are meant to be opposite in everything. He certainly is not as beautiful as this boy.

Krad's presence pulsates threateningly and Satoshi pulls away from Daisuke. He steps back, his eyes still on the redhead. Daisuke was breathing deeply. Asleep.

Satoshi exits the room, escaping to the deserted restroom. Golden eyes stare back at him out of the mirror, reminding him of the curse, of the comfort he will never feel.

Because he is not allowed the luxury of velvet.

End.

**Author's Note: **Satoshi second-guesses himself too much. He IS beautiful. Mm... I hope you all enjoyed this. And it's true, I own nothing of velvet. XD I used to have this hideous green velvet shirt in elementary school. I have no idea where it is now. Probably at the dump. XD Please review! Remember, requests are still appreciated.

**Response to Reviews:  
****Saerwen:** I do not eat all the time! munches angrily on gummy bears  
**Timetill:** XD Thanks, I like the title too.


	7. The Whole Freakin' Thing

**Genre:** Humor  
**Disclaimer:** I can't lie anymore... It is grating on my soul. I do not own DNAngel.

**Seven:** The Whole Freakin' Thing

_Tonight at 10 o'clock, I will steal the Sistine Chapel. – Dark_

**theonlywaytodosomethingistodoit**

A shadow flew high over Vatican City, the only city in the world to be a country of its own. It was late at night, the darkest hour, as Dark the Phantom Thief swooped down into the city.

"Geez... Do you think it could be any further away?" complained the thief. "Emiko sure is branching out a lot lately... First the Coat of Stupid Shades, now this."

'_Dark, it was the Coat of Many Colors,'_ Daisuke pointed out.

'_Same difference_.' Dark shrugged.

'_Dark, what exactly are we stealing?_'

'_I dunno... Something called "the Sistine Chapel" or something_,' Dark said, not really caring what it was. It was a heist, it was a night to get out, that was all that mattered.

Daisuke paused, shocked. '_Dark? Um..._'

"Shut it, I'm trying to find the place." He stopped in midair to glance at his address book, looking around at the streets, trying to find the correct one. "It should be... over here." He stopped and landed in front of a large church-like building.

'_...It's the chapel_,' Daisuke pointed out unnecessarily.

"All right then, let's make this quick. Emiko says we have to be back by dawn."

But Daisuke had the feeling this was going to be anything but quick.

Dark ran into the chapel. It was quiet, deserted, and his boots made soft tapping noises on the floor, echoing off the walls. The room they entered was enormous and in the daylight it would be beautifully colored. He walked forward and stopped in the center of the room.

"Wow…" said Dark.

'_Are you okay?_' asked Daisuke.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

'_Well… being in a church…_'

'_Please! I'm not a demon_.' Dark stepped forward. "Now where is it?"

"So you've finally arrived." Dark whirled around in time to see Satoshi Hiwatari step out of the shadows.

"Oh, hello, Commander," said Dark cheerfully, saluting.

"So… you've decided to steal the Sistine Chapel?

Dark smirked. "Are you going to try and stop me?"

Satoshi chuckled. "No. It's not a Hikari work, so I don't particularly care if you take it."

Dark thought for a moment. If he was not going to stop him, then why was he here? "Hmm… Right then, I'll take it and be on my way." He turned away, still wary of the boy, and walked further into the room. _Where is it?_ He stopped in the center of the room and looked around. Was Satoshi still there? He turned and saw the commander watching him. He looked very amused.

"What?" said Dark, irritated.

"Aren't you going to take the Sistine Chapel?"

Dark paused, bemused.

'_You don't even know what it is, do you?_' Daisuke asked, exasperated.

'_Hey, _he's _the art expert, I'm just the thief_!'

The commander sighed. "Have you ever heard of Michelangelo?"

"Yes! Of course! I'm not stupid!" Dark yelled, irate.

_Could have fooled me._ "Michelangelo was thirty-three when he painted the overheard surface of the Sistine Chapel. He had some trouble with it, seeing as it is very difficult to paint something that is over one's head." Satoshi pointed up at the ceiling, and Dark followed his finger.

"Instead of the original twelve figures of the apostles that the pope had suggested for the ceiling, Michelangelo painted more than 3000. At the center of the ceiling you can see the nine paintings that illustrate the Old Testament stories of the Creation and Noah. Around the edge are the Hebrew prophets and pagan sibyls who foretold the coming of Christ.

"In the triangular shapes are Christ's ancestors. The ceiling was unveiled on October 31, 1512, and the whole world came running to see what Michelangelo had done; and certainly it was such to make everyone speechless with astonishment." Satoshi looked back down at the thief, whose mouth gaped open in amazement. "Just like you are now."

Dark tore his gaze from the ceiling. "You mean…" He looked up. "The Sistine Chapel… is the ceiling?"

"Actually, this whole place is the Sistine Chapel, but the ceiling is what it is known for. So, yes."

"The whole thing?"

A smirk. "Yes." The commander was very amused now.

Dark glared at him. "GAH! You just came here to mock me, didn't you!"

Satoshi shrugged, amused smirk still in place on his features. "Well, I'll admit, it is very amusing. And it's not everyday someone steals and entire chapel in the middle of the night. I wanted to be here to see it."

Dark groaned.

End.

**Second Disclaimer:** The information on the Sistine Chapel and Michelangelo came from this site: www (dot) twingroves (dot) district96 (dot) k12 (dot) il (dot) us / Renaissance / SistineChapel / Michelangelo / Ceiling (dot) html

**Author's Note:** Heh. Requests welcome! Please review. And if enough people ask for it, I'll write how Dark stole the whole freakin' thing!

**Response to reviews:  
****Baka Shojo:** Ahh, all right. Here's your new, quick post! XD


	8. Wrapped Up

**Genre: **Supposed angst  
**Disclaimer:** You don't have to rub it in. I don't own anything. TT  
**Author's Note:** I'm so sorry this took so long… I've been so very busy with school and I'm under the terrible disease of WRITER'S BLOCK. Bad excuse, I know, but please bear with me as I try to squeeze my brain for some good pieces of writing. The Sistine Chapel Part II isn't coming along very well, but I hope it'll be out by the twelfth chapter… which is in about a month. GOMEN NASAI MINNA.  
Anyway, enjoy chapter eight while I try to write the Chapel chapter.  
**Sakurasango**, your request is coming up… next I think. I have it written, I think I'll post it in a few minutes. Sorry it took so long.

**Eight: **Wrapped Up

It is all he has left to do.

There is no other choice. And if there is, he cannot find it. Carefully, carefully… _No I can't do it._ He can't. He must not. But it is too tempting.

Is this selfish of him? He wonders. Is this wrong? He doesn't believe it is. No one would care. Not if they never found out. But if they did find out, he would be in trouble.

Dark ponders this for a long time. So what if they found out? It would be too late. He'd done it anyway, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. And he would do it again. And again. It was too tempting. What could anyone do to stop him?

Emiko would kill him. He laughs bitterly. It would be too late anyway. Daisuke would probably get to him first. He would love this, wouldn't he? Dark wonders if Hiwatari might like it too. It would be amusing to see the looks on their faces when they found out about it.

Guilty, he picks it up again. Daisuke is asleep. He will not know until morning, if he ever finds out. They share a body, he would most likely know. He would feel it in his fingers, his hands. It is too exciting to keep to himself, Dark realizes. He would have to tell someone.

He is stalling. He might as well do it. Right now. What's the harm? No one will find out. When they do, it will be too late.

So, without further ado, Dark began popping the bubble wrap.

End.

**Author's Note:** XD That was fun to write. It was so repetitive… and suspenseful, I hope. XD Sorry. I love bubble wrap, and I get really mad when people don't share with me. So… TADA! xD Please review. Requests are still appreciated!

**Response to reviews:  
****Saerwen:** XD I made you fall out of your chair? –is proud-  
**Baka Shojo:** Huzzah! New chapter! Get working, I want to see more…!  
**Timetill:** Thanks for the review, and there WILL be a sequel. XD It'll be… weird.  
**S…st… geez your name is hard to spell StAnThEpLuNgErMaN:** That took a while, so be proud of me. For some reason, I didn't copy and paste it. xD Anyway, thanks for the review, and that happens to me a lot too. I forget things almost instantly… What was I talking about? oO  
**Number 15:** How would he steal it? >> Very carefully.  
**xpeachiex:** AHHH YOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE! QUIT DAD GET THE GUN! AHHHH! I ask you, why would I not continue? I have yet to post the next part of Dark's Sistine Chapel heist. –wink-


	9. Fair

**Genre:** Romance  
**Disclaimer: **I got a My Chemical Romance CD, so I can't disclaim anything, like, say, DNAngel, because my brain is clogged with alternative rock.  
**Warnings:** Shounen-ai. Don't like? Don't read! Wow, simple!  
**Author's Note:** I lied. There will be slight AU drabbles in this series. XD Sorry. AU is fun sometimes, I couldn't resist. Here's a DarkSato drabble, dedicated to the wonderful request of **sakurasango**. Enjoy the wonderful DarkSatoshi-ness!

**Nine:** Fair

He watches the boy. Pale, slender, and fragile. _He does not eat enough_, Dark thinks. But who can blame him? That monster in side of the young boy would drive anyone to lose their appetites for anything.

_He really does look lovely in the moonlight_, muses the thief.

A thief of mostly art, for he knows he could never steal his love.

They both lie to their tamers. They have done it so much; it is more of a reflex than anything else. Krad knows. This is why Krad and Dark were always fighting. You could not put them in the same hundred mile radius area without a war breaking out. Because they both feel affection for the Hikari.

Dark is jealous, so jealous. He loves the Niwa clan, sure, but has always been drawn toward the Hikari family. Maybe it is because Krad has them. Maybe he only wants to help them. Maybe he pities them.

_No_, he admits to himself, _that is not it at all_. He cannot lie to himself, only to others. But if the Niwa family found out… what would they think?

The boy shivers suddenly on the balcony as Dark watches him. _Damn Krad_, he curses. Dark hates watching the demon hurt the Hikari. He takes for granted what he possesses. _Damn him. I'll kill him. Damn him. It's not fair._

Dark sighs. No. Even if he does kill Krad, the next Hikari will receive him, and Dark does not wish to hurt them.

He sighs and flies away. If he cannot have the Hikari, he can have a Hikari creation.

It is only fair.

End.

**Author's Note: **GAH! It sucked. I'm sorry. –whacks badfic- So sorry. xD It was all right in my mind… -pout- Oh well. I've always wanted to write this paring… or read it. It's weird, but it's funny. XD I dunno. Read, review, request!

**Response to Reviews:** Ahh… there will be none. ; made it so that we didn't need to, and I don't want to get in trouble for doing it anyway. –is a sissy- Anyway, yeah. Thank you all for the reviews! I really do appreciate them, and I'll try to reply to everyone!


	10. Not About Strawberries

**Genre:** Humor  
**Disclaimer: **When I own DNAngel, I'll be sure to tell you, and you'll definitely notice an increase in the number of SatoDai hints in the anime and manga. And there will be lots more DarkRiku. But, alas, I do not. Damn.  
**Warnings:** Implied bad language. But, hey! That's Dark for you!  
**Author's Note:** Wow! 10th chapter already? XD This is the longest fic I've ever written. Haha. Enjoy... this is in Wiz's point of view.

**Ten:** A Story That is Not About Strawberries

He hopped around joyfully, uncaring about anything in the world save for the fact that he had _strawberries_. Yes, it was a happy, happy time for Wiz.

Daisuke, however, had other things in mind, completely overlooking the fact that everything _must_ be right with the world if strawberries were present. Sometimes Wiz just did not understand how humans could ignore such a sweet, joyful thing, and instead worry about countless other things. _Well, at least I_, thought the lesser demon, _at least I know the true purpose of life._ Perhaps the humans he lived with would figure it out someday as well.

"Dark," said the red haired boy sitting on the couch next to Wiz, staring into a mirror so that he could speak with Wiz's master that resided inside of him. Dark does not know about the wonder of the delicious fruits either, Wiz realized. Next time they went out, he would have to show Dark how wonderful they were.

"Hmm?" Dark looked out at Daisuke from the mirror, rubbing his sleepy eyes. "What is it?"

"Hiwatari-kun was acting funny today," Daisuke said, frowning.

"Daisuke, face it. The kid is funny looking."

"DARK!"

Wiz cringed. The Niwa boy was so loud sometimes. "Kyu," he said, which would translate to "Please be quiet, can't you see I'm trying to enjoy strawberries" if one cared enough to translate it. Daisuke ignored him.

"Really, Dark, I think something's wrong," said Daisuke, obviously concerned. Wiz shook his head. Sometimes the young boy was so naive. Of _course_ there was something wrong. Wiz knew enough about the Hikari clan to understand about the boy's relationship with the Niwa and Krad. He turned back to his strawberries, ears perked to listen to the conversation.

"Well, maybe he just needs a hug," said Dark shrugging. Wiz almost choked on a strawberry.

Daisuke rolled his eyes. "No, I don't think so."

Dark thought for a moment. "Maybe he needs a kiss," said Dark, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

Daisuke blushed. "What? No!"

"Well then maybe he needs a good fu – "

"DARK!"

Wiz fell down. His master was so dirty-minded! What the poor Hikari boy needs, he thought, is –

"Maybe he needs some strawberries."

Wiz "kyuued." That would make it all better. But then Dark made a meaningful glance at Wiz, and Daisuke looked over at the lesser demon. Wiz's eyes expanded considerably and he said, "Kyu" once more, this time in terror.

_No! Not _my_ strawberries!_

End.

**Author's Note:** All right… first things first… I'M SO SORRY. This took so long to post and it's because I have writer's block! I'll try to post one chapter every week. I only have three more written that I need to fix, and then I'll post them, and that's it for a while. TT Until my block goes away. I'm soo sorry…

**Response to reviews:**

None because of that new thing installed. xD But I do have one thing to tell you all:

I'm changing my pen name. I'll be changing it next week, so I thought I'd give you all a heads-up. It will be "Lazy Eldarbreath Mealtoes." Don't ask. XD So yeah.

Any requests would be appreciated…

And I think that's all. Review!


	11. Cuffed

**Genre:** Humor  
**Disclaimer:** My bologna has a first name, it's I-D-O-N-T, my bologna has a second name it's O-W-N-A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G! I hate to say this everyday and if you ask me why I'll say… "Because I really hate the way I don't own D-N-A-N-G-E-L! –bow- (Okay, so it's didn't fit… So what?)  
**Warnings:** A few curses, nothing much.

**Eleven: '**Cuffed

Dark stared down at his hands. "Crap…. The Creepy Bastard 'cuffed me!"

Daisuke watched the thief struggle with the handcuffs and snickered.

"Shut up!" Dark yelled, irritated. He head was throbbing and he could not see straight. He must have bumped his head too hard going through that window.

At last there was a click, and Dark chucked the chains as hard as he could in the direction of the museum.

'_Dark! Be careful!'_ scolded Daisuke. '_That might hit someone!'_

Dark growled. '_That's not my problem. I'll get that Creepy Bastard… You can count on that!_' And he flew off, muttering curses all the way home.

**ihavethegoddamndoraemonsongstuckinmyheadgetitthefuckoutdammit**

'_Dark, what are you doing?_' asked Daisuke. Dark did not answer, and the red head sighed. They had been hiding out in the museum at which that nights' heist would occur since school had ended.

Dark checked his watch for the umpteenth time that hour, wondering why humans thought digital watches were neat. He thought the changing numbers were lazy. Dark remembered having to carry sundials around, and now people had these tiny metallic wrist mechanisms that told time for you. How lazy. He shook his head and suddenly realized that his tamer was shouting at him.

'– _And I have homework! I'm going to FAIL, Dark, FAIL – _'

'_Shut up!_' Dark went suddenly still and Daisuke immediately quieted. They sat in silence for a moment before Daisuke could hear the approaching footsteps echoing throughout the hall. Dark smirked.

'_Dark, what – _'

'_Shh._'

The footsteps came closer, and then before Daisuke could say "Onomatopoeia," Dark leapt forward and tackled the intruder. Somewhere an alarm sounded and the lights flickered on; Dark had somehow tripped security system. But to Dark and the intruder, it did not matter. They were much too involved in their scuffle to care.

Daisuke could not see what was going on, for Dark and the person he attacked were moving too quickly. He could hear the voices of advancing police outside of the hall. There was a click and Dark sprang up just as the doors burst open and police people poured into the room. Without a word, Dark sprinted to the wall, ignoring the newcomers, and pulled the painting off of the wall. The cops were shouting to him to put his hands up where they could see the, but soon the only thing they could see were his black wings as he smashed through the window and fled with the stolen art piece. Curses flew around the room and someone asked where the commander was.

**wherethehellisthecommanderthestupidthiefgotawayimgoingtokillthehimdforkeepingmeupallnight**

Satoshi sat on the roof, watching Dark shrink in the distance.

'_Coward!_' raged Krad. '_What a dirty trick!_' His blue-haired tamer said nothing. '_I'll kill him! He will suffer a PAINFUL AND UNTIMELY DEATH!_'

Satoshi sighed. Krad could go on forever. In the meantime, Satoshi could not find his keys.

'_I cannot BELIEVE he handcuffed us! Take them off! NOW!_'

End.

**Author's Note:** XD I had to. Please forgive me.

**EDIT:** Thanks to Bahaumaunt for the spelling correction! It's fixed now.


	12. The Whole Freakin' Thing Part II

**Genre:** Humor  
**Disclaimer:** I'm married to Dark on that "Marry your Favorite Character" thing, so that means I own him. –grin- -shot- OKAY FINE I DON'T! –pout- I don't own anything.  
**Warnings:** Cursing and piracy of a certain famous chapel.

**Twelve:** The Whole Freakin' thing, Part II

Dark flew home and burst into the house, cursing at the top of his lungs without concerning himself whose ears the words might reach. A few blocks down a little girl asked her mother a question, using her first curse word ever, and consequently had to mouth rinsed out with soap an hour later.

"Dark, what's wrong?" Emiko asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she stumbled down the stairs.

"Stupid fucking bastard…" He muttered, ignoring her. "I'll get that chapel, Commander Creepy! You just wait!" And he stomped out with a shovel without another word, leaving Emiko to wonder what he was going to do.

The apple is never far from the tree, so Daisuke was asking the same question.

'_Dark, what the hell are you doing?_'

"I'm stealing the fucking Sistine Chapel! What the hell does it look like I'm doing!"

**A few hours and a dozen donuts later…**

Inspector Saehara had to fly all the way out from Azumano, and for what?

To see the infamous Phantom Thief Dark digging up the Sistine Chapel, that's what.

"Commander, what are you doing?"

Satoshi bit into another donut and took a sip of tea from his Starbucks cup before answering. He always hated coffee, but Krad said he was thirsty. And the demon gets what the demon wants. Krad also wanted chocolate-covered, jelly-filled, onion donuts. That is why Satoshi was twitching quite a lot that morning.

"Watching the show." He pointed out at the newly unearthed site

Saehara watched him twitch once more, and then turned back to the chapel. "Sir, what is he doing?"

The Commander smirked. "Go ask him yourself. I'm watching the show."

Carefully, the inspector made his way around the dirt piles over to the working thief. "Dark, what the – "

"Don't you DARE ask me what I'm doing!" snarled Dark. He lifted up a piece of marble over his shoulder and turned toward the inspector. "If you're too stupid to figure it out, I'm stealing the Sistine Chapel. AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!" With that, Dark flew off, cackling insanely.

Inspector Saehara walked back to Satoshi.

"Can I have on of those donuts?"

End.

**Author's Note:** …xDDD Fun to write. Hope you like it! I also hope you'll forgive me for taking so long. But be happy! I posted two chapters today! …You'll kill me for the next sentence. I won't be updating anymore this year. I'm very busy this holiday with homework and filling out paperwork. Speaking of which – AUGH. If anyone would like to help me on my way to writing more fics, I would be forever grateful. Go to my livejournal in my profile and look for the entry titled "HELP." If you could do what it says there, that would make my life so much easier. Thank you so much! I'll see you all next year!

Happy Christmahanakwanzaakah!


	13. Daiki and Risa

**Genre:** Humor  
**Disclaimer:** Didn't own anything last year Don't own anything yet.  
**WARNINGS:** Risa bashing. Not that anyone really LIKES Risa…

**Thirteen:** Daiki and Risa

Before Dark appeared, whenever Daisuke went off to school, his grandfather always thought the same thing.

_Please don't fall in love with that Risa girl._

Daiki had grown up around girls that Harada Risa, and he had _never_ liked them. They cared only about how they looked and had standards that only the biggest dickhead could reach.

He regretted thinking this when he discovered that Risa had fallen in love with Dark. If his old friend ever found out that his former tamer had called him a dickhead, there would be hell to pay.

When Daisuke first started middle school, Daiki gave him one of his famous speeches.

"Dai, when life gives you lemons make apple sauce."

"What does that mean, Grandpa?"

"...I really don't know. But if you ever meet a snotty girl, kick her when she's down."

"What!"

Daiki was never any good at speeches.

When Daisuke came home one day going on about a girl in his class, Daiki feared the worst. And when he was tidying up his grandson's room one day ("Daisuke is such a slob sometimes," he had complained.) he had found a picture of a girl. It was a terrible photo, but he could at least tell that it was the younger of the Harada twins.

Risa.

That evil little girl who was always at the park with her sister when Daisuke was younger.

_She must die!_ Daiki thought savagely. Then, upon hearing the opening song for his favorite television show, he hopped down the stairs and forgot all about his threat to Risa.

A year later and Daisuke had still not confessed to Risa, though he had become close friends with the ditz. Daiki did not like this at first, but after some time he had finally gotten used to the idea that his grandson was completely hopeless.

Completely and utterly hopeless.

"Grandpa! Mom! I'm home!" called Daisuke.

"Welcome home Dai – " Daiki turned to greet him, but stopped short. Behind his descendent was none other than evil Harada Risa.

"You have a lovely house, Niwa!" she squealed. Daisuke blushed, looking pleased with himself.

Daiki was not pleased at all. "Daisuke, who is this?"

Daisuke started as if just noticing that his grandfather was there, having been too distracted by the fact that the object of his affections was in his home. "Oh! Grandpa, this is Harada Risa-san. Harada-san, this is my grandpa."

Risa giggled. "Hi!"

"Hi." Daiki said tersely. Daisuke gave him a perplexed look, but it disappeared when Risa jumped down on the couch.

"Oh, this is my favorite show!"

_Great, now I can never watch it again without PUKING MY INSIDES OUT,_ thought the former thief bitterly. Luckily Emiko made her entrance just then to save Risa from Daiki's urge to strangle her. Unfortunately, Emiko's entrance also led to Risa staying for dinner.

_Crap._

Risa would not shut up during dinner. Daiki just did not understand how someone could talk so much – and that was saying something, because he had lived with Dark inside of his head for years. And he thought _Dark_ was the most talkative thing in the world!

"So, Mr. Niwa," Risa asked suddenly, "what did you do before you got old?"

..._What?_ This girl really was awful! And blunt too. Terribly, rudely, blunt. He was not _that_ old! ...Was he?

"Um..." What could he say really? "I stole famous artworks from museums?" "I killed little girls like you?"

"He tested security systems," said Emiko swiftly.

Daiki almost cried at how clever his little girl was.

"That's so cool!" Risa said, even though it was obvious she had no idea what they were talking about, and probably was not even listening.

Daiki glared at her with such ferocity that she must have noticed, because she looked up at him. Her eyes widened, and she quickly looked away and did not raise her eyes for a very long time afterwards.

He overheard her and Daisuke talking on the doorstep before she left to return to her own house.

"I had a nice time, Niwa."

"G-great! I did too. I mean... Um..."

"But your grandfather is strange... I felt like he was glaring at me the whole time."

"Who, Grandpa? Oh no! It's just his eyebrows. They give him that look that – um... well..."

"All right. Well I'll see you tomorrow!"

Not if I kill you in your bed first, you little twit. And what's wrong with my eyebrows? 

Daisuke sighed contently as he walked back in the house. Daiki was there waiting for him, tapping his foot.

"What was that about my eyebrows?"

"AUGH! Grandpa! Don't eavesdrop!"

"Well what about my eyebrows! I think they make me look sexy!"

"Ew! Grandpa!"

"I bet Phantom Thief Dark would have eyebrows like this when he gets old!" Dark would kill him for that comment, even though it was technically true.

"Grandpa!"

END.

**Author's Note:** Don't ask. :D Review please! Reviewers get bubble wrap. :D

Heka, your DarkRiku drabble is coming soon. :D


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